“In the dark recesses of the mind, a disease known as fear feasts upon the souls of those who cannot overcome its power…”
– Pat McHale –

This is the story behind the wall. The story that tells my 2020 project and maybe the biggest of my life. A project that seemed impossible but it here it is. The complete text will be done soon, when I gather the strength to materialize it on paper. I’m going to do it like Tarantino, with some chapters. Why? Well, because I like Tarantino and because this is my movie. Furthermore, who knows if it’s the only time I will do something like this in my life. Better enjoy it!

CHAPTER ONE: The meeting

All this started beginning 2020 or maybe end of 2019, I don’t remember exactly. What I do remember is that I met THE GIRL (who is now my muse) on the early days of January 2020. We had a really nice first encounter and since the starting point I felt really good connection. And here is where everything begun. On our way back to the train station something happened, and I immediately told to myself “Oh boy, you’re going to fall in love with this girl and she’s going to make you suffer… make you suffer a lot. And there’s nothing you can do.” My close friends know one of my sayings, maybe the one leading my instinct and the one I always says when something bad I predicted happens, something I actually realized I do a lot: “I hate so much always being right”.

CHAPTER TWO: The ecstasy

Everything was wonderful, we had an amazing bond. We were speaking nonstop on WhatsApp, every day, every hour, even until 5 in the morning. It was genuinely fantastic. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. We share so many things in common: the music, the movies, the games, the education and a long etc. Also, our origins and background are quite similar if you manage to look the bigger picture. But the most important of all, she challenged me at an intellectual level. She could read me like an open book. Not a lot of people can do that. I see myself in her, an early stage of my life, an early version of my person. That made the link even stronger.

Anyway, I find necessary to mention this right now: At some point she told me that she didn’t wanted anything serious or a relationship. “Wrong timing”, she always said. That’s true, but as we kept meeting, this became something blurry and not certain anymore. Her behavior and words pointed to the other direction. However, who’s going to quit when you have such an opportunity, when you can be standing in front of the woman of your life? Just go for it. I’m not here to quit, no. My parents didn’t teach me that. I’m a fighter, I never quit. That being said, everything was going smooth as hell, but of course the dark clouds were about to come.


After a couple months meeting, she had a vacation trip for a couple of weeks. We saw each other a lot during this last week. Then, a couple of days before she was taking the plane, we had some food and laughs together. I still remember it as if it was today… I kissed her goodbye and then the voice came again: “Enjoy this last kiss, since it’s going to be the last one”. I hate so much always being right. Until the present day, I never kissed her again.

Then, it was Corona, and the pandemics. That didn’t help at all. A lot of events happened and we eventually lost having so much contact, and little by little to none right now. That was hell. I’ve suffered from love sometimes in the past. That made me think that I was protected and mature, but I was wrong. I believe this was the time I’ve struggled the more. Maybe because it’s the first time my mind and my heart are working on the same direction. Weird right? When this happens, you can only listen. I was falling into a hole and I didn’t know what to do.

CHAPTER FOUR: The uprising

At this point, everything looked misty and grim. I still don’t know how I did it, but I managed: Trapped in my hometown during the first lockdown I needed something to calm my mind and keep it away from the world crisis and THE GIRL. Then a crazy plan began to take shape. A plan that was basically was like driving downhill a car full of dynamite without breaks, praying to reach the final destination alive. But it could work. The same instinct that was right in the ugly predictions, was telling me to do it. After doing a bit of crackpot rocket science the idea was ready: “Okay, we need to do something huge and unique to take her attention back, something you will see once in a life time. What are you EXCELSIOR in?”. Well, I realized people said I was impressive at drawing when I was a child, maybe my stronger asset. Also, I had my period hanging out with graffiti people, being part of them, painting walls. There was it, a mural. My feelings on a wall in Den Bosch large enough to make the people speak. Big problems need big solutions they say.

So, there I was: After maybe 10 years without taking a pen for drawing or a can to tag, reading a lot of books and watching some videos about perspective, anatomy, drawing techniques, color theory, graffiti tutorials. To become good enough in order to draw something brilliant that will impress somebody with access to a wall and reach the heart of THE GIRL. It was a fight against the clock, the longer it takes, the less opportunities I would have. I never put so much effort at anything in my whole life. I worked like a madman for hours every day, always until I reached exhaustion or my body wasn’t able to keep going. It was a long and painful process, but I couldn’t be happier about having done it.

Einstein said “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”. In the past when I was in love with a girl and something adverse happened, I was just leaving. I was claiming that it wasn’t my fault and there was nothing else I could do. Not this time. I realized love is a fight, and you need to have guts to do what it takes to achieve. Every time I go back and visit my hometown I have to walk around my high school. It became a ritual. I was able to do it also on the hard lockdown, and I promised in front of it that I was going to battle and to succeed.

I mention my high school here because it has a lot of influence in my life and on this project. There wasn’t a single day I wasn’t scared and confused about what I was doing, dancing in the dark. I’m a person who has always been altered and ruled by dreams. During this whole process of learning and conceiving the illustration I had a lot of nightmares, but it finally there, THE DREAM: I was about to quit several days, feeling completely down, but one night I had this weird vision. I was there, sitting on a class of my high school, surrounded by my old graffiti crew and some rival crews, back on our 16s. They all spoke and said “what are you afraid of, dude? You were the best with drawing and art”. Then, they we turned into current versions of ourselves, adults, and they talked again. “You are still the best, it’s everything inside of you, go for it”. So that’s what I did, and finally the idea for the design was settled, and the design almost done. God bless Zelda’s soundtracks and League of Legends songs, they helped and motivated me a lot.

CHAPTER FIVE: The contest

With the line art ready and polished I started looking for a wall. I met some Dutch graffiti artist that told me it was really hard, almost impossible to find a legal wall in Den Bosch. “Almost impossible” sounds like a good opportunity. I did my research and the Tramkade was my best shot (and maybe the only one). So, I made some calls, move the strings with my contacts and reached out to Studio Boot, but we could not reach an agreement because they already had plans in which my mural and Kings of Colors didn’t fit.

So, imagine this: Everything was ready, the illustration almost done, and I felt like I was touching the wall… My desired wall. EVERYTHING ACHIEVED A COUPLE OF DAYS BEFORE THE BIRTHDAY OF THE GIRL! PERFECT SCENARIO! That was it, I was about to win the wacky race I was in, and with all the dynamite intact! Then the meeting with Edwin’s partner was like a cold shower for me. Now wall, dead end, all hope is gone.

At least it looked like it. Kings of Colors? Who are they? I had already heard about them during my underground graffiti chats.  I called then Jan-Henk van Ieperen, this time the last bullet on the chamber. And thank God he was whiling to hear my story and after that, devoted to help. Man, that was fast. In a couple of days after of our meeting I had the wall.

CHAPTER SIX: The facade

After all the madness and celebration related to the wall, it was time for action. Far from being done, the last step of this weird journey was there. Everything seemed pretty easy… But far from reality. I’ve never faced a challenge like that. It has tremendous dimensions, and I understood that in the middle of the work. Also let’s say the weather and the lockdown weren’t my best allies. Something as easy as going to the GAMMA to get some paint became a real struggle. It was long and painful. Almost every day I was sunk in fear, under the rain or the snow. But I didn’t care. I had a lifetime opportunity; I must give it all. Pain never pushed me away, I’ve been practicing extreme and contact sports my whole life. You learn how to keep going on through pain, how to keep your eyes well opened facing your objective. And the possible reward is worth everything. “Is this technique going to work? Will I be able to draw her face? Can I make the right color mix?”… Those were questions I was asking myself nonstop. I’m not going to lie, some days I woke up with the firm idea of stopping all this and canceling the whole thing.

However, I managed. And I couldn’t have done it without the support of my loved ones. This I’m about to tell was a turning point in my life: One of the days before I started working on the wall I talked to my father and explained him why I was so obsessed with drawing and art during the lockdown and why I wanted to do that. I told him about THE GIRL and the project and I asked him if I was stupid and completely insane. I will never forget his words. “I’m proud of you son, I’ve never been that proud in my whole life. I would have never been able of doing what you are doing, not even for love. I will never have the guts for something like this. You and your sister are the best I’ve done. And now I know”. That was it, there was no turning back. The rest is history, I just kept pushing the pedal to de medal. The mural was done.


When I’m writing this, I think THE GIRL still don’t know about the mural, and the final battle of the story is yet to be fought. Although if she is one of the pillars of this journey, it’s not anymore about her. It’s about me. I’ve learned so much during this process. This was meant to happen, I have no doubt about it. A good friend of mine told me that I will become a dragon slayer in order to get the princess. But maybe even after that the princess could fly away. The important thing is that I was about to become a dragon slayer, and that was the best reward of all. So, the conclusion is that I would love to have her in my life as one of the most important persons in it, but if this is not possible, I’m okay with it. I did what I had to do, it doesn’t depend on me anymore. I’m finally free again.

And I swear to God, I felt some stuff I’ve never felt before during this whole project. There was some kind of magical forces helping and pushing my, opening doors in the weirdest ways possible. I had just to listen and adapt. All happened in a previously written script. I understood that being brave is not the absence of fear. It’s having fear and keep going on. If there is a will, there is a way.

Finally, I met so many incredible people across this adventure. I can’t name them but the list in big. I discovered again my passion for illustration and graffiti, and who knows, maybe a way of living. I also regain contact with my old graffiti crew, the ones I mentioned. We managed to have a dinner during the lockdown after maybe more than 8 or 9 years without seeing each other. It was fantastic. The fun part about this is that some of them now work for the government. But still, when I asked them to go back to do some ‘on the run’ paints they answered: “A government worker doing some illegal paintings in an abandoned place in the middle of nowhere…? Of course, I will always want to paint with you!”

For THE GIRL: Thank you so much for being the spark of the journey, my muse and fuel me through it. I have strong feelings for you, and I always will. I hope we can be together at some point, now or in the future. If not, you still have a mural to enjoy and a story to tell.

Jesus… it’s in insane the things we have to do to have a date!